Parenting

Parents have the responsibility to protect their children and prepare them to survive and thrive. And for them to have courage, cooperate, be responsible, and have respect. For children to have a belonging, the parents should offer contact freely, teach the children to contribute to chores, the family or a team. Children also need to learn different stages of power and protection. For power they should be given responsibility in age appropriate situations. For protection parents should have the correct amount of assertiveness and forgiveness to their children.

When parents and children argue or children argue with other children, parents need to understand who owns the problem. In other words, who does the issue really bother or affect. Once this is understood the parent can try to make sure that those who do not own the problem will be more considerate of the other’s needs, or to make the problem go away for the one who owns it.

Communication and Power

You communicate with words, tone of voice and actions (non-verbally). Communication can be lost in the “feedback loop” and is often during decoding portion.

Person 1’s thoughts (feelings)àencoded messageà medium of communicationàdecoded messageàPerson 2

In marriage it is important to: not only to learn how to communicate effectively, but how to communicate with your spouse effectively; learn how to disagree without being disagreeable; know what is best for the relationship, not necessarily compromise; and care at least as much about your spouse as you do yourself.

There are also 6 different forms of power:

Coercive: to avoid punishment from spouse

Reward: to recieve a reward from spouse

Legitimate: the spouse has the right to ask for help and you have to duty to comply

Expert: one person has more knowledge of particular things

Refernt: identification with or admiration of spouse and a desire to please them

Informational: persuasion by spouse that what they want is also in your best interest

Family Crises

Family scholars use the ABCX method to determine the stress for individual family members.

A= the actual event or crisis

B= behavior, or the resources and reactions

C= cognitions which determines their perspective

X= Total Experience

 

The resources can be friends, family, money, assets, ect. And B has to do with whether the member chooses to take advantage of the resources. The cognitions are the way the individual member defines the event. All three outlooks determine the experience and stress towards each person.

After a crisis there are many ways to cope with it, and of course, some are more beneficial than others. Some that are risky and can further damage relationships are denial, scapegoating (blaming), and avoidance. Positive skills to cope are responsibility, understanding family worth, reframing (redefining the situation), and flexibility.